Endearing Young Charms

oh lawdy

2009-05-05T00:47:49Z

I got my hair cut and now I look like a femme brunette Link and I want to have sex with myself. Pictures to follow.

Also, dunno how old this is, but it made me choke on my cough drop.

Gotta Have my Pops

2009-04-29T04:36:22Z

I was eating Corn Pops and coughed and Corn Pops went everywhere. It was a balanced breakfast volcano and no one was around to laugh.

It saddens me greatly.

...also, so does Spring. Everything is new and beautiful, like mother nature squatted and squeezed out a baby. Spring is best administered with the company of a loved one, served with a sprig of tall grass under a cool breeze and a hint of lilac.

Unfortunately I'm fresh out of loved one. Ho hum.

T Bag

2009-04-17T01:55:57Z

As I type this there are five used teabags taped to my right thigh.
It's a good day.

DDDD

2009-04-14T04:30:15Z

Why is it your probability of finding a ridiculously huge spider increases ten fold during the last 15 minutes of your day?

GOD FORBID I FIND THE GODZILLA OF ARACHNIDS IN THE WEE HOURS OF THE MORNING

VB

2009-04-03T03:11:04Z

Dear Diary,

Why am I just now seeing Venture Brothers? With my love of silly voices, superheroes, and the woefully nerdy, one would think we would have crossed paths years ago. So strange.

P.S. Need DVDs. Do you remember where I hid my money?

Feed Me

2009-03-30T05:02:16Z

Ugh. I'm so hungry. I've been living off crackers and slim-jims for months. Last week I almost attacked someone who dared to eat a roast beef sammich in my personal space bubble. .already underweight... dizzy... tired... stomach shriveling up... see-through skin...

slightly exaggerated but still, I can't lose one more pound or the doctors are gun get pissed and as awesome as it would be to be force-fed liquefied waffles.... lost train of thought.

hungry. ALL THE TIME.

Being poor blows hard.

21

2009-03-28T02:47:02Z

WOO I'M 21 NOW

BIG DEAL OVER HERE GUIS

C? CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC

2009-03-16T03:49:22Z

"Wax on, wax off.

Started my new cleaning job today... That makes three, in total, and I'm getting a fourth. I'm like a rent-a-Mexican.

All I had to do was clean the master bed and master bath.

It took six hours.

So what I've learned today is this:
Do not have children, because they will buy you mother's day shit that you will have to dust.
Do not name your dog "Sheddy" unless you are going for irony.
When you think you are alone, just remember that the dust is everywhere, and it's watching.
If you don't put a screen in a window, you will get bugs in your house. Many, many bugs.
Old people have the best drugs, and they make no effort to hide it.
If they offer you food, walk away. It's always a pumpkin and chocolate and raisin nut bar.
The cat is outside for a reason.
If you can hook up a computer, you are God to the elderly.
The underwear goes in the top drawer.

It does pay off to clean for a karate master, though. She paid me with a katana.

Magic Reporter

2009-03-13T01:30:37Z

First he's African American.
Then, in the blink of an eye,
He's a gawed damn nigga muthafucka.

It's magic.

Seriously

2009-03-10T04:32:09Z

Somebody needs to make an icon reflecting this line:

"IT'S LIKE A TELLATUBBY GOING MAD."

Because.

Burn

2009-03-09T04:05:06Z

So sitting here, I suddenly realized something smelled like it was on fire. Since nothing was on fire, I ignored it. Our house is like an old man, it creaks, makes weird noises, and smells funny.

But the smell didn't go away for a long time, so naturally I sniffed everything in the room, down to the carpet. Then I smelled myself in various ungodly places. Result? My right thumb nail smells like its on fire.

satan fingers

DOG

2009-03-07T04:40:32Z

I really want a wiener dog. Named Boomer.

Like srly.

I'll burst with snacky happiness and transform!

2009-02-22T04:23:23Z

After countless hours of wrist flicking and numerous pop tart munching, I beat SUPAAR MARIOOOOOO GGGAAAALAXYYYYY--both files, 242 stars. Need something else to play. Kind of debating between that Phantasy Star thing for the Wii, or Okami. Or maybe one of the new sonic games for nostalgia and lulz. Eh.

Think think think

also i have now witnessed a grown man climb on top of a car an imitate a turkey. through an amplifier. i peed myself.

smiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiirk

2009-02-11T02:42:32Z

Are furfags ever not funny?

.....No. ...Not really.

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AgPGobFJRpM749J.5FNdN94azKIX;_ylv=3?qid=20090210141556AABpVzM

Feel free to contribute, my boss is gone for a while and while the boss is away, the Nighty will generally chat up the plumbers next door and play with the cat. But eventually she gets around to making bootleg shirts.

Finally a BIG happy Birthday to Hobo Amy, who is bleeding from the land down unda.

Oooouuuuuch.

2009-02-08T17:40:41Z

Yesterday, I was bitten by a very large parrot and I thought, "Wow, that's a new one. I bet that hurts more then anything."

Then I got rug burn on my nipple.

Never listen to bagpipe music right before bed.

2009-02-01T18:28:09Z

I just outdid myself for the weirdest dream ever.

The previous winners have been:

1) Killer Teapots taking over the world.
2) Becoming a puddle and getting jumped in.
3) Sitting on a bed, watching myself dream about sitting on my bed.

Now, we have this.

I drempt I was Sonic the Hedgehog, who along with Shadow another light blue furry, were implanting a mechanical army of household appliances in order to form a resistance against a robot Nazi government. I was the healer so no one let me fight. Then we formed an alliance with the kids from As Told By Ginger, who were battling an evil rich dictator who was planning a global holocaust. They specialized in gorilla warfare and stealth, which allowed us to get nuclear weapons from military bases. Our arms surplus grew to it's limits when the Nazi robots found us and forced us to retaliate early, unprepared. Then I woke up.

*stare*

Freezing my royal rustifarian nay-nay's off!

2009-01-16T01:33:33Z

"The car died!"

"It's okay, I know that the problem is."

"What?"

"Winter."

----

I woke up this morniiiing at 6:00 ammmm.... and it was -14 degrees outside.

-34 windshield.

And all the schools were closed.

Except for mine 'cause I guess once you're old enough to dress yourself you're no longer a liability.

Irregardless, WOO HOO!

Dear Santa

2008-12-15T04:07:39Z

Dear Santa...

Dear Santa,

This year I've been busy!

Last week I broke kurunya's X-Box (-12 points). Last month I invaded Iraq, broke it, and couldn't glue it back together before Mom got home (-1012 points). In February I pushed hobomama in the mud (-17 points). Last Wednesday I put money in murasakidoku's expired parking meter (14 points). Last Monday I ate my brussel sprouts (1 points).

Overall, I've been naughty (-1026 points). For Christmas I deserve a moldy sandwich!

Sincerely,
nightemerald

Sorry Achmed, my bad. :|

MOVEON.ORG

2008-12-12T19:21:16Z

Journal kind of related to Amy's question a few days ago but not really but sorta.

I left DeviantArt. Been thinking about it for a super long time, like a year or more, and finally decided to hell with it and packed up my bags. I was really tired of the people that were on my "Friends" list. (Obviously not all of them, but +80%) Plus I'm not the artsy fartsy liberal jackass I used to be. Still a jackass, just minus the sketchbook. The art world gets very... very annoying.

So that's that. Time for lunchie.

I killed a man. With THIS thumb.

2008-12-07T02:09:59Z

I managed to get myself addicted to Ratatouille.

*innocent shrug* Mh-dhnh.